i don't like you

I just looked at the date of my last blog post.  August 2011.  There's not really an excuse other than August 2011 marked the beginning of a really tough year for AJ and I with school, and for all kinds of changes following our move to a new house and two kids in preschool.  For those of you who still have us linked to your Google feed, thanks for checking in, and here is an extremely long-overdue update!

Jack is...just...totally amazing.  He has had a GREAT year in preschool and is about to finish up.  He will not go to summer school this summer, on the recommendation of his teachers.  We're so thrilled they think he can handle going the summer without extended services, and we are happy to give him a break!  His language is really coming along, he has made huge leaps in social interaction/relating, and we feel like he's at the point where he understands most things we are saying to him.  It's really stunning to see his progress and I promise to post some pictures and video soon so you can see.  He is enjoying books - BOOKS!  With words and pictures!  He can identify a variety of numbers and letters - he can spell his name.  He can count, point, chatter and play games.  All those little kid things you don't even notice are happening until they're not.  If I camp out on this theme too long I swear I'll start sobbing and not be able to finish this post, so I'll just keep moving along...

Not long ago I was looking for some medical documentation and came across some notes from our pediatrician's office from when Jack was about 15 months old, and we were first starting to wonder if there was something going on.  As I scrolled through the notes, one section caught my eye:  "Mother reports Jack has said the word 'duck' and has made consonant sounds 'ma, da, and ba', but has since stopped saying them."  I am happy to report that Jack says the word "duck" followed by a quacking sound every time we drive by water, and for the first time not two weeks ago called AJ "dad".  First time.  We are over the moon.

Speaking of firsts, I believe we've heard his first full sentence.  He has been stringing a couple of words together for some time.  It used to be only on prompt, but now he does it without cues: "Help please! Shoes off! All done! Come with me! Get down! Let's go!" and my recent favorite "Hey - wait a second!" All exclaimed with resonating drama worthy of a Broadway stage. I thought it couldn't get any better.  But the last couple of weeks I've become aware of him saying this phrase over and over again when he gets upset, particularly when he gets upset that we've said no to something he wants.  His eyes fill up with tears and he points at me and says this thing, and I've been listening so hard to understand it.  Tonight I finally got it.  Are you ready for this?

"I don't like YOU!!!" (With a dramatic finger point aimed at my eye.)

Ok.  So I know there are no parenting awards handed out for laughing when your child says something disrespectful.  But it feels like such a miracle that he is not only saying a FULL sentence with a subject pronoun, he's also using that sentence to express an emotion. THIS IS HUGE!!!!!  Tonight I pretended not to understand so he would say it again.  I hope he tells me he doesn't like me when I get home from this coffee shop later. Heck, I hope he tells you he doesn't like YOU the next time you see him!  As a mother, I have never more enjoyed hearing one of my kids tell me they don't like me.  Best feeling ever.

I did compose myself and (runner-up award here) correct his sincere but maybe not so nice expression.  "Jackers, it's not very nice to say 'I don't like you'. You can say, 'Mom, I'm not happy'.  Let's practice.  Say 'Mom, I'm not happy.'"

"Mom.  I not HAH-ppy."

I could eat him up.

Lately, I've become increasingly aware of something so profound.  When we found out about Jack's autism, we prayed night and day the prayer of desperate parents: "God, please let this not be so.  Let him fall off the spectrum.  One day, let him wake up and be a typically developing kid. We need a miracle."  As time has passed, and Jack has grown, and we have grown, I've realized that God did the miracle we prayed for in us, not Jack, who has been and always will be just our completely perfect gift.  We've been  changed forever by this little person he is.  We've been dramatically impacted, forced to see the world around us in a different light.  We're being taught important lessons about human value, about patience, about the power of support, about seeing past the obstacle to find the great treasure.  It's 100% because of him.  He is the miracle, and I'm just so grateful.

(Epilogue: We have so many fun things planned for this summer and just can't wait for it to begin! Stay tuned for much more frequent udpates, starting as soon as my finals are over on May 10, anticipated to be the next happiest day of my life.  Can you bring wine coolers to a final?  If not, that's totally bogus.)